The Female James Bond

Eddie gives me his business card. “Call me,” he says.

This was unexpected. Somehow guys seem to sense that I’m like an urban Dalai Lama. They don’t come on to me often (unless drunk) even on FB. But the latter might have to do with having a profile picture that says, “Kindness is the cure” or “We love refugees.”

On the other hand, I have a friend who never posts pictures of herself, only of beautiful scenery. Still, guys on FB tell her that she is stunning and that they have fallen in love with her. Many even offer to fly across the world just to meet her.

Being a regular at Movieing, my favorite café, I chat with everyone. No business cards involved. Occasionally someone says, “Write down my phone number.” Or, “Come over to my apartment.”

“But why?” I ask. “We always see each other here anyway.” I guess no guy wants to explain why, and that’s the end of it.

The same goes for Eddie who is also a regular. Instead of “Call me,” he might as well say, “Let’s mate” or “Let’s reproduce,” which also includes mating (or the sperm bank). Maybe he’d rather say, “Let’s see if we are romantically compatible.” But that’s less likely. Either way, I’m a nun. Who wants to have to discuss that with a stranger?

Although it did come up with a drunk guy who came on to me yesterday. I bet he recalls nothing. Not that there’s much to recall.

“I’m a nun,” I said.

“It can’t be true,” he said repeatedly.

I get that a lot.

People take appearances too seriously, which brings up my friend Frank.

“Saying hello from East Germany,” was Frank’s first FB message. In his profile picture, he was sitting by a pool in a bathing suit, a gorgeous guy with a friendly smile. We started to chat and didn’t stop for three years.

His initial profile picture was probably taken two decades ago. In more recent pictures, his hair wasn’t black. It was red. But hey, I also dyed my hair red once. It actually looked pretty hot.

Then he posted pictures of himself and his best friend. The body language said, “We are a couple.” I invited both of them to Tel Aviv. He invited me to East Germany. It was never simply “Germany.”

Now I’m glad I didn’t go. He probably would have locked me in a cellar and tried to get state secrets out of me.

For me, friendship is forever: a life of love and loyalty. True, my first best friend joined forces with the class’s evil queen. I lost the only supporter I had for my plan to rescue our out-of-control class along with the world in general, winning the cutest boy’s heart in the process.

Like a female James Bond.

There were others after her. But I don’t harbor bad feelings.

Frank wanted me to send him pictures of the park I meditate in. Maybe he thought that “meditation” was a code name for my nocturnal meetings with the head of the Mossad.

Why else in a political debate we had, would he have accused me of being a Mossad agent?

Shocked, I looked at his timeline and saw new information there. He was no longer a Conflict Resolution Consultant (which he seemed pretty good at, judging by his past advice to me). Instead, he’d finished some Russian military academy with honors.

Then he blocked me.


But you know what? For three years, Frank was a great friend.

As for Eddie, once he gets over the business-card shtick, I’m sure we’ll become great friends as well.

Either way, no matter the heartbreaks, love always wins…because it never leaves my heart.

10 thoughts on “The Female James Bond

  1. Carolynn Pianta

    I was a nun too. I had a favorite café I frequented as often as I went to church when I was a kid.
    I could meet, get to know and decide the guy wasn’t for me, in three minutes. Some became friends.

    And then, the bottom of my life fell out, (long story).

    I drove away from everything that mattered, all my friends, a business I owned and the man I was deeply in love with, (he was married), to an unknown future, literally three minutes down the road. If there had been a tree in that mile and a half road trip to a new beginning I would have hit it head on.
    My life was over.
    Depressed, lonely and terrified by the unknown, I put the key in the door to the location of a new manufacturing business I was starting. There was a guy cleaning up some stuff from the previous tenant.
    We will be married 36 years next May. Love wins. Love always wins.

  2. Lilac Shoshani Post author

    We have so much in common, Carolynn!
    Abandoning everything that matters, takes lots of guts. I’m not surprised it literally changed your life. Your story is amazing and so stunningly written.
    And it’s mind-boggling that you will be married for 36 years next May!
    I love happy endings. They prove what we’ve known deep inside all along: love always wins! <3

  3. Donna Davis Everhart

    That’s too bad about Frank. And your first BFF – well, maybe BF? Funny how relationships over the years still have ways of staying with us, usually because of the questions we have about why they ended – as in maybe not having closure with a particular person? They’ve had THEIR closure (i.e. Frank blocking you – which, I’m not even sure what to think about that, but cest la vie, right?)

    I think men are likely intrigued by you, Lilac, because I “feel, think, ascertain” you have a very positive vibe or presence, whether it be online or in person. Actually, wouldn’t I love to be a fly on the wall when you tell someone who’s said, “write down my number,” or “come to my apartment,” that you are a nun. Something tells me their expression and the ensuing conversation is….priceless.

    *I had to look up Mossad agent btw.* 🙂

    1. Lilac Shoshani Post author

      Donna, it is too bad about Frank. He was so smart and insightful. Plus a true fan of Hemingway. I’ve reconnected with my first BFF as a grownup and asked her why she’d deserted me then. She apologized but she didn’t remember. I was sorry I asked. It just put her in an awkward position.

      I have no doubt that you also have a very positive vibe or presence, whether it be online or in person. <3 As for guys' expression when they hear I'm a nun, there are three stages: shock, disbelief, feeling rejected. Sometimes they get worried about my well-being instead and tell me that it's not healthy not to have sex (sorry for spelling it out). LOL!

      *Thanks for telling me you had to look up Mossad agent. Maybe I should clarify that when updating the post.*

  4. Colin Smith

    Why couldn’t a romantic connection be felt at at a coffee shop? Someone’s apartment, or home, with dim lights, soft music, and the right amount of alcohol can certainly conjure a sense of romance. But genuine attraction needs nothing more than two people, whether in the park, in a coffee shop, or at the checkout in Wal-Mart. 🙂

    Beautifully written, Lilac.

  5. Lilac Shoshani Post author

    Colin, my dear friend, I completely agree with you. A romantic connection can be felt anywhere. And a genuine attraction can occur at the checkout in Wal-Mart. 😀 You are a true romantic, which is wonderful. I don’t think the guys I’m telling you about had romance in mind, or anything genuine for that matter. But maybe I’m wrong.

    Thanks so much for saying my post is beautifully written. YAY! You make me happy. 😀

  6. Diane

    I’m trying to find some reason you and I have things in common, based on the fact that someone once told my name is “very secret agent-ish” … but, alas, my wee and paltry brain fails at the task.

    And please be right, that love always wins. I feel like its luck or power could use a boost. Ah, but love. It ought to win.

    1. Lilac Shoshani Post author

      Diane, my dear friend, what a pleasure to have you here!

      I’ve sensed that we have a lot in common but had no idea that the secret-agent-factor is a part of it. Have you also been trained at Quantico? LOL. 😉

      Love always wins, indeed, but a boost to its luck or power wouldn’t hurt… I’m all for divine intervention. <3

      Thanks so much for stopping by. The best part of having a blog is meeting my friends here as well!

      1. Diane

        Oddly enough, I have fairly close family who have been FBI training actors for twenty or thirty years now …

        I have been Very Very Bad about following/commenting on Reider blogs, but of late have been reviewing some of the dross I used to follow and repenting of my sins. You shall see me again!

  7. Lilac Shoshani Post author

    That’s so cool and intriguing about your family, Diane!

    You were probably busy writing, so you had no time to follow/comment on Reider blogs…I’d love to see you again! 😀

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